I’m Still Figuring This Shit Out.

I’m a woman in my late... very late 40s, a mom, a grandma, a daughter a friend, a professional, a horse lover, a traveler, a scuba diver, a lady obsessed with sharks and apparently now—a blogger.

I started Apparently, This Is Growth because somewhere along the way I realized I had a lot to say about this strange life nobody really prepares you for.

The part where your kids are grown, but somehow they still need , or hate you. Your grandkids become some of your favorite humans on the planet. Your body starts doing weird shit without asking permission. You start thinking about money and retirement differently. Friendships change. Parents get older. You start looking older. Relationships come and go. And suddenly you find yourself asking questions you thought you'd have figured out by now.

Turns out, I don't.

I've loved people who were right for me and people who weren't. I've stayed longer than I should have. I've walked away when staying would've been easier. I've started over more than once (a bunch). I've made some great decisions and some spectacularly questionable ones.

I've spent years trying to learn the difference between being loved and being loved well. Between chemistry and chaos. Between compromising and abandoning yourself. Between being alone and actually being lonely.

And I'm still learning.

I'm also learning that growth isn't always some beautiful transformation where you wake up healed, peaceful and suddenly drinking green juice at sunrise.

Sometimes growth looks like setting a boundary and then feeling guilty about it.

Sometimes it's missing someone you know you don't want back.

Sometimes it's realizing loneliness isn't an emergency.

Sometimes it's putting money away for your future when you'd rather spend it on something fun.

Sometimes it's trying Pilates and Barre at almost 48 and wondering who the hell you've become.

And sometimes it's sitting quietly with yourself and thinking:

That's what this blog is about.

Relationships. Family. Boundaries. Starting over. Getting older. Money. Friendship. Being single. Travel. Horses. Sharks. Grandkids. Grief. Happiness. Bad decisions. Good decisions. And all the weird shit that happens while you're trying to become someone you're proud of without completely losing your sense of humor.

I'm not a therapist. I'm not a relationship expert. I'm certainly not a life coach.

I'm just a woman who's lived some shit, learned some shit, and is finally willing to talk about it.

Sometimes I'll get it right.

Sometimes I'll probably change my mind six months later.

And sometimes we'll just laugh because there really isn't an inspirational lesson in everything.

If you're somewhere in the middle of figuring your own shit out too, come on in.

We can apparently grow together.

—Tasia