I've been thinking about something the last couple of days.
Actually, I had an entirely different blog written about it.
I was pretty damn sure I knew exactly how I felt about it too.
And then yesterday, while driving down the road, minding my own business, listening to Air Supply's "Making Love Out of Nothing at All," I started arguing with myself.
Because apparently this is what I do now.
I started thinking about social media, dating, likes, comments, hearts, fire emojis and yes... that damn cowboy winky face.
You know the one.
And I realized maybe the question isn't whether any of it is right or wrong.
Maybe the question is...
Where the hell is the line?
Because let's be honest.
We post pictures because we want people to see them.
Men and women.
We post the cute selfie. The vacation picture. The night out. The picture where the lighting hit just right and we thought, Damn, I look pretty good.
We share our lives because we want people to engage with us. I do!
And we like the likes. I do!
We like the comments. I do!
I like being told I'm beautiful. I'm assuming men like being told they're handsome too.
There. I said it.
So if we're putting ourselves out there to be noticed, can we really be offended when people notice us?
And if you're single, how the hell are you supposed to meet anyone anymore?
Somebody has to show interest.
Somebody has to flirt.
Somebody has to make the first move.
So where does normal social media interaction end and something else begin?
Is liking someone's picture flirting?
What about a heart?
What about "You look beautiful"?
A fire emoji?
Three fire emojis?
And for the love of God... what exactly are we communicating with that damn cowboy winky face with hearts emojis?
Because I have questions.
Maybe none of those things mean anything by themselves.
But what happens when it becomes a pattern?
What if you're commenting on every picture?
What if you're leaving those comments on 20 different women's posts? Or men's?
What if you're saying the same thing to everyone?
At what point does showing interest turn into throwing your attention everywhere and seeing what comes back?
And maybe that's where it starts to feel different to me.
Because attention means more when you don't give the exact same kind of attention to everybody.
If someone tells you you're beautiful, it feels good.
If you realize they've told 50 other women the same thing this week?
It loses something.
And there's another part of this that I've realized bothers me.
The embarrassment.
Social media leaves receipts.
If you eventually get into a relationship with someone, all those comments don't magically disappear.
Everybody can see them.
Your friends can see them.
Their friends can see them.
Your family can see them.
The person you're now dating can see them.
And that damn algorithm will make sure you do, in fact, see them.
Because apparently social media doesn't just keep receipts. It likes to hand-deliver them too.
And I don't know... there's something uncomfortable about realizing the person you're with has spent the last year or more publicly auditioning for half of Facebook.
But even as I write that, I have to argue with myself again.
Because isn't that partially how dating works?
You meet people. You flirt. Sometimes it goes nowhere. You talk to somebody else. Eventually maybe you find someone you really like.
So again...
Where is the line?
Maybe it changes when you actually start talking to someone?
Maybe it changes when you're dating?
Maybe it changes when you're exclusive?
Maybe everybody's line is completely different?
For me, I know this much:
It isn't about jealousy.
Of course a man I'm dating is going to notice beautiful women. I'm not an idiot. And I'm certainly not expecting someone to become blind because he's interested in me.
That's not what bothers me.
For me, it's more about respect and intention.
I find something incredibly attractive about someone who is selective with their attention.
Someone who knows what they value.
Someone who knows what they're looking for.
Someone who doesn't need validation from every attractive person they come across.
Someone who is ok being alone for longer than a month.
And I try to hold myself to the same standard. (I did say try)
I'm not scrolling through men's pictures leaving hearts and fire emojis, telling one man after another how hot he is and seeing who responds .
And if I were doing that, I wouldn't blame a man for looking at that and thinking, Nope. That's not for me.
But that's MY line.
It doesn't necessarily have to be yours.
And maybe that's what I've been figuring out.
I've spent a lot of years wondering whether something that bothered me was "allowed" to bother me.
Am I being insecure?
Am I jealous?
Am I overthinking?
Maybe sometimes I was.
But maybe sometimes I was simply figuring out what I value in another person.
And I'm starting to think that's what dating is supposed to be.
Not deciding what everybody else should or shouldn't do.
Deciding what works for you.
Although,
If the person you're dating or interested in were sitting right beside you,
Would you still?
Maybe that's where the line is.
Or maybe I'm completely wrong.
That's why I want to hear from you.
Where is YOUR line?
Is a like just a like?
Is a heart harmless?
When does flirting become disrespectful?
Does the line change once you're talking to someone?
Once you're dating?
Once you're exclusive?
And seriously...
What the hell does the cowboy face mean?
Because apparently Air Supply has left me with more questions than answers.
AND
Apparently This Is Growth.
